He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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