I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
