she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
