Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
