So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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