This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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