I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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