At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
