just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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