Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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