I'm lost and stupid without you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
