After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
