Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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