So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sober January is a disaster.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
