i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
