Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just high enough for therapy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
