dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
