Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
