I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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