they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
