Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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