She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
