It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize