god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
420 ftw
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
