I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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