oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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