Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
