He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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