I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
