He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
