this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
