Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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