Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A+ Viking dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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