I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
