i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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