Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
