I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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