Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
