he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Houston, we have a squirter
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
