Do you still have your period?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
