I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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