can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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