drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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