So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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