Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
