I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
