I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
