just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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