I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
