I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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