I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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