a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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