Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
