Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
