She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
