She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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