so explain again why im purple
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."