the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
