when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.