so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.