never play flip cup with pint glasses
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
