I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
