we have pet lesbian snakes
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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