Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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