toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
