im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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