he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
