I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
