____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
