My liver just broke up with me...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
