Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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