you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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