He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
