Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
