In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
