Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
