I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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