my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
