Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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