He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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