He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
