Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
be right there i have to get my cape
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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