i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
